hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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