dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
