help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
