I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
