I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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