I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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