I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
