So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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