So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
