so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
