Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize