If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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