to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
