Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sorry about my life...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
