I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
