I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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