im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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