and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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