Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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