I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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