my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
