I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
