For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I AM VODKA MAN
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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