well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
