What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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