dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
