i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
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using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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