Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
