im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
