Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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