Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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