Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
