i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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