I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
