Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
