were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
