no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
