I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
your like the ambassador to my penis.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize