She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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