she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
