Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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