i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
