you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I FOUND THE LEGS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
