if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
