At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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