I wanna passion pit in your ass
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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