I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
