True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
