well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
