Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
