Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
