The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
