Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
