his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
