I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
