Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
