I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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