If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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