She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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