guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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