Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
