How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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