nut hugger
My sheets look like a crime scene.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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