Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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