we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
