If i come over, it means nothing
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
