I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
