You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
