What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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