There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
