dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
